Having a baby is a major life event. But so is becoming a grandparent.
This experience is often filled with joy and excitement for many families. But things start to get rough when the grandparents feel overbearing to new parents.
Advice and feedback from most grandparents are typically well-intentioned. Yet the discussions and opinions surrounding infant care often create the biggest points of tension between new parents and grandparents.
To some degree, it’s understandable. Our parents are proud of the children they’ve raised. They see the bright, intelligent, and passionate people we’ve become. We see their pride. They made that! So it’s logical that they feel that they did their best in raising us. They kept us safe.
So why wouldn’t their choices be good choices for their precious new grandbabies?
And this is where things can get sticky.
As parents, we feel judged when someone questions our choices. Right?
Don’t they trust that we are doing the best for our baby?
Don’t they realize how carefully we considered each decision?
Why are they telling us that we are doing this or that wrong?
This is often the silent and sometimes not-so-silent struggle between parents and grandparents.
Here’s what I can tell you after raising two children with the help of their grandparents.
Almost always, our parents are well-intentioned. They want what is best for their grandchildren just as much as we do as parents.
Here’s the secret kicker…
They feel judged and inadequate too.
The most common points of contention between parents and grandparents are often centered around infant care practices. As new parents, we consume information about the most up-to-date practices surrounding what is best for our babies. Let’s face it, a lot has changed since we were babies.
While grandparents want to do what’s best, they may not realize what has changed since you were a baby and, more importantly, why.
Ready to learn more? Do you want more information on how to navigate these topics with your parents?
Take a listen below or head over to The Doula Download to listen to Tucson Doulas’ co-owners Angela and Eva as they discuss When Parents & Grandparents Collide.